You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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