We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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