i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Sorry my hands just texted you
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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