remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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