If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
