I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
