Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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