I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
