oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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