I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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