Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
