if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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