I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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