so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
