grandma shit on top of the toilet
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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