Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
