"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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