after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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