No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
