I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
