you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
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my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
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I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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