bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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