here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
