someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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