I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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