It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
