i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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