honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
