The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
