And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
