And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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