I'm lost and stupid without you.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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