i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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