my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
