Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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