Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
