He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
