Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
