Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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