but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
