ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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