That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
All I want is dick and wine.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
