I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present