I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
