That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life