Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me