Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
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Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
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I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand