Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
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"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
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If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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