That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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