so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
