my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I am naked and annoyed.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
