I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
