Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
