I'm gonna have a badass scar
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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