Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
