I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
