I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
