just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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