That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
