on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
