Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
