and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
