Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
