Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
