I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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