I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
