Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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